


Indiscretions

by AteLala



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Bathroom Sex, Ben is not a nice guy, Coming on Face, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Doggy Style, F/M, Fondling, Frottaging, Gratuitous Smut, Humiliation kink, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Masturbation, No Pregnancy, Open Ending, Open and Happy Ending, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Public Sex, Reyloevermore, Semi-Public Sex, Seriously he's a dick in this one, Shameless Smut, Size Kink, Smut, So much angst, Unhealthy Pining, farmers market, fighting!, hard sex, kind of, mentions of drug use, public fondling, the most angst I've ever written, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:55:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28324941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AteLala/pseuds/AteLala
Summary: “You say that a lot but your pussy says…” he slipped his fingers under her panties and pulled. They slid to her knees and he circled his fingers on her clit. She shaved today and she was extra slippery and responsive. His eyes darkened. He was scary when he got like this.“Your pussy never lies.”---An exploration of the question: "Can a fuckboi ever be tamed?"
Relationships: Kaydel Ko Connix/Ben Solo, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Temmin "Snap" Wexley
Comments: 55
Kudos: 247
Collections: Reylo Evermore Flash Fic





	Indiscretions

**Author's Note:**

> I am so excited to present to you my entry to the Reylo Evermore Flash Fic Challenge: Indiscretions.
> 
> This story is based on the song, ["Tolerate It"](https://open.spotify.com/track/0PurA4JVJ8YQgSVopY8fn6) by Taylor Swift. I picked this one because I really loved how Taylor described it as a song with imagery and described a very specific emotion.
> 
> I am also gifting this to [Axis](https://twitter.com/duelingaxis), who inspired a lot of this story with her very hornie tweets. Thank you my friend. You feed me so well.
> 
> A couple warnings: This is one of the most angsty stories I have ever written. Also, this is yet another story where Ben is not a nice guy.

_If it's all in my head, tell me now_   
_Tell me I've got it wrong somehow_   
_I know my love should be celebrated_   
_But you tolerate it._

~ T. Swift

Rey told her roommate that she was going to run some errands. She really didn’t want to be lectured today.

She already knew this was a bad idea.

His text was casual, the same as always. He texted like he was in the middle of a conversation with someone else on his end. Which was, most likely, the case. He always texted while she was talking. She’s learned to live with it.

“Meet me at Kru. By the bathroom. Text me when you get here.”

Kru. The fancy sushi restaurant that no one can get into. _What was he doing there?_ Hobnobbing.

That’s all he did really. Hobnob.

She snuck in with a crowd and made her way to the hallway where the bathrooms were. She felt out of place in her worn jeans and cheap mascara. All the women were in short skirts and all the men were in suits. She stood in the hallway, lit up by a blue light and texted him, “I’m here.”

She didn’t wait too long for him to appear. 

Rey has known Ben for years. She’s had his cock in her mouth about a dozen times and he’s fucked her just as much. He’s seen her close to tears and beyond drunk and even pathetically angry at him. But he still gave her the chills. He was so big and broad, filling out the hallway. He moved carelessly, bored. And though everyone around him was dressed to the nines, him in his worn slacks and holed t-shirt still managed to maintain an air of superiority.

She felt her eyes round and mouth water; her face flush with blood and fingertips tingle. Then the inevitable - her pussy throbbed. A reflex, a response, a curse. He didn’t look at her when he approached. She opened her mouth to greet him, but he spoke quickly.

“Thank God you’re here,” he said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bathroom. “This date sucks ass.”

“You’re on a date?” Rey protested, but he pressed his lips on hers, breathing in her confusion, “Ben-“

She gasped before he filled her mouth with his tongue and tore at her shirt and pants, pulling them down.

“Off,” he whined at her.

“But, you’re here with someone,” Rey whispered.

He sighed, the frustration obvious in the exhale and rolled eyes. He didn’t answer as he flipped her around, pinning her against the counter with his own hips. He undid her button and zipper from her pants and bit into her neck. Rey whined into it and braced herself on the counter when he pulled her pants down.

“I’ve been thinking about you the whole time babe,” he grunted. She heard him undo his own pants and then push her head down, making her arch her back.

“You have?”

“Your pussy,” he sighed and she felt his cockhead slide up and down her slit. She squirmed, the goosebumps and tingles sparking so suddenly. Cold and hot and itchy.

“Ben-“

“Shut up,” he murmured and pulled her into his cock by her hips and bucked into her roughly, her tits bouncing with a whiplash. She whined through the back of her throat and then heaved breaths through her nose. He’s so fucking big. _He knows how big he is, how small I am, how it’s painful but he also knows…_ “You fucking love it slut. Take it.”

“I do… I love it,” she admitted and he held her arms behind her, pinning them with one hand to hoist her body up, her face up next to his.

He pounded into her. Fast. Strong. With purpose. “Fucking whore, Came over right away when I texted. Wanted my dick so bad didn’t you? Letting me fuck you in a dirty bathroom. Hold your legs together. FUCK you’re so fucking tight. Always so tight. Always so fucking tiny.”

She was so wet between her legs, her responses to him almost Pavlovian. She felt it wet his torso, trail down her legs. His grip on her wrists ached and the angle was wrecking her pussy. He pounded so hard she felt her feet lift from the ground and drag on the tile.

The fullness, the roughness, the danger and his fucking mouth.

“So wet. Desperate ready pussy. Slutty little tight cunt. Needy fucking whore…”

She tightened against him and when he thrust harder, hips bucking wildly against hers so her mound pressed against the counter. The angle strained the flesh of her g-spot and she was so overcome she yelped.

“Shut the fuck up,” he hissed, covering her mouth with his huge palm.

“You want people to catch us huh? You want my dumb date to come by and wonder what I’m doing? See me fucking a whore?”

She moaned into his hand and shut her eyes as she doubled over and came.

“Slut,” he chuckled as he continued to fuck her.

When she felt the stars clearing and the blood rushing back to her brain, she opened her eyes. He was staring at himself in the mirror as he fucked her, watching himself pound mercilessly into her poor pussy. Catching her eyes in the mirror, he smirked.

“You look so good all used up,” he said, pulling out of her, the empty feeling more aching than the full. She glared at him but he pushed her down, flipping her so she was eye-level with his glistening, hard length. On her knees, the hard tile cooling her legs and his face just barely lit by the artificial blue light, she squirmed.

He jacked his cock in her face. He used her come as lube, jerking his huge hand up and down his length faster and faster.

“Ben, I-“

“I want to fucking come on your slutty face,” he demanded. “That’s all I fucking wanted when I texted you. Stay right there. Open your goddamn mouth slut.”

She didn’t. Her mouth set in a pout and he glared back at her, with real anger.

“You’re gonna be a fucking brat?” he growled, “You think I’m not going to paint that fucking stupid face with my cum? Keep looking at me like that. Fuck you.”

“It’s just that I have study group and-“

“Fuck you do?” And he came on her. Hot, sticky white cum painted her face, getting in her eye sockets and hair and cheeks. He grunted more filth at her, “Slut slut slut stupid whore fuck fuck…”

She pursed her lips when he was done. Pout still on her face when she stood. He booped her nose after he pulled up his own pants.

“Mm,” he grunted, “Sweet pussy.” He nodded at her.

“I said not to come on my-“

“It’s my favorite babe,” he said easily. “This date is a fucking bomb. I’ll text you when I’m finally out of here.”

He didn’t though. 

She knew because she watched her phone all night.

* * *

Rey saw him about a week later during the day. She was feeling very pretty and sunny and warm at the Farmer’s Market. The sun was just rising over the hills and the vegetables smelled fresh and she was wearing a little dress with combat boots. A perfect Farmers Market day.

It was the healthy, wholesome and good part of her week, so it was a shock to the system when she ran into Ben there. With another girl. Rey wondered if it was the same one from Kru. Probably not.

Her belly didn’t turn this time. At this point, after two years of whatever he and her were doing, she stopped feeling jealousy. It was never worth it and…

Well, they still slept together.

Part of her said, “He always came back.”

The other part said, “You always take him back.”

The same worn black slacks and a tank top. He knew how strong and broad he was. That thin top was hanging on for dear life. Rey stared at the center where it buckled. Where behind it, she liked to slide her hands up and down. She darted her eyes to the girl that accompanied him. Pretty, blonde. She wore a lot of make up and couldn’t keep her eyes off of him.

_A year ago, that was me._

Rey clamped her mouth shut and rooted her feet to the ground. She was sure he was going to breeze by her. Like he was at some fucking yacht party and she was the waitstaff. Maybe he’d look at her but only to laugh at her outfit later.

_Kale. Kale is so interesting. Look there’s curly Kale and flat Kale and…_

“You really need to eat better Ben,” the blonde said, “Let me get you some vegetables. If I get you some veggies do you promise to eat them?”

“If you make them for me yeah,” he said. 

Rey didn’t have to look. That bored tone. The one that was more interested in his phone and plans with his friends later. Rey felt the blonde pleading: _look at me, notice me, see me._

_Me a year ago._

She turned to leave, knowing he should be yards away by now. But she was shocked to feel a strong hand on the back of her arm holding her in place.

“Meet me behind those food trucks in 15 minutes.”

* * *

She was nice and pretty, this girl. _Kelly? Kristy? Kayla? Something like that_. But she was sort of too nice. Too good. Too long of a game that Ben was willing to play. He’d take the veggies she was buying for him anyway.

They’ll end up in the trash.

Unless Rey comes by. _I’m running out of tickets to that ride though._ He shook his head at himself with that sushi bar stunt last week.

He wasn’t lying when he told Rey he couldn’t stop thinking about her. 

Ben was texting Poe, making plans for later. Bar hopping. Chicks. Shots. Maybe drugs. Drugs for sure though. It was Saturday.

Then he felt her. It was this sudden feeling of comfort and safety and warmth. Like a security blanket. He got that feeling when she was about to text him.

“You left your hat here.” That was the last text she sent him before that sushi stunt. That was a month ago. Weird. He swore she texted him more. She used to at least.

But he looked one way and there she was, looking at kale. He laughed. _She hates kale. Is she avoiding me?_ He moved quickly when he saw her turn on her heel and grabbed her arm, whispering his instructions.

Katie was in some other direction babbling about cauliflower.

* * *

_I’m only here to tell him to fuck off. That’s it. I’m here to tell him that this is over. He can’t just tug me around wherever he wants, to come on whatever he wants. I’m done. It has to be done._

Rey paced behind the food trucks, tripping over the wires and fiddling with her basket. 

“Hey babe,” his voice was like velvet and dark chocolate; smooth and rich.

“Ben, we can’t do-“

He trailed a thick finger up and down her bare arm and Rey shuddered.

“Kathy is in line for coffee, I don’t have a ton of time,” he said as he smoothed his hands down her thigh and then back up her skirt, groping at her panties. “So glad you wore a skirt. Perfect.”

“D-don’t…” she choked.

“You say that a lot but your pussy says…” he slipped his fingers under her panties and pulled. They slid to her knees and he circled his fingers on her clit. She shaved today and she was extra slippery and responsive. His eyes darkened. He was scary when he got like this.

“Your pussy never lies.”

He bent down and nuzzled his face in her neck, nipping and kissing. He was always so warm and overwhelming and intoxicating. _What am I doing? Where am I? Who am I?_

“Can’t…” Rey sobbed, and he pushed her into the side of the food truck.

“Rey…” he took her hand in his, leading it to the front of his pants. “Feel me. Feel what you do to me.”

_FUCK_. Even through his worn slacks, she could feel how incredibly hard he was. Harder than usual. Straight and smooth and his head was possibly pulsing. Rockstar cock.

“Stop,” Rey whispered. She felt a lump in her throat when she pulled away. Her skirt fluttering in his hands wake. She pulled up her panties and bit her lip, suppressing her tears. She never thought she’d be crying when this happened in her head.

In her head she was strong and firm and not horny.

In her head he didn’t look like a lost puppy like he did right now.

“Babe?” His eyebrows turned and mouth straightened.

“I met someone.”

“Met someone,” he repeated.

“He’s in IT,” she said. _Why is that important?_

“IT.”

“This has to end Ben,” she said.

He grasped the back of his neck and her heart broke when he looked away and never looked back. Then he shook his head at the concrete and huffed a breath with the smallest purse of his lips.

“You really fucking met someone?”

“You’re literally with someone here right now!”

“That’s different, she doesn’t mean anything.”

Rey opened her mouth to shoot another frustrated exclamation but… Wait.

“And what, I do?” Rey leaned towards him, hands on hips.

He squeezed his eyes shut.

_He’s taking it back in his head. Goddamn it Ben._

When he opened his eyes back up, he looked towards her, beyond her. Still not really looking at her. She should be used to it by now. He only looked at her when they were fucking and even that was rare.

And then he smiled in that way that disgusted her. When he got something he shouldn’t have.

“Alright fine Rey,” he started to turn slowly on his heel, “You’re just a slut anyway.”

“Ben,” she shook her head. He didn’t mean it. But it still hurt.

He stopped and turned back once to look at her. His eyes were dark, scary. Not the eyes she’d memorized after all this time.

“I was getting tired of fucking a limp doll,” he said so casually he might have been saying he was ordering pizza later. “Fuck you Rey.”

* * *

It took Ben two weeks to throw the rotting vegetables in his fridge away. _Stupid girl bought them but never cooked them. What kind of person does that?_ He pushed the thought of Rey, who would come by and roast them for him and put them into individual containers for each day out of his mind.

He fiddled with his phone, hoping to read messages and texts but nothing was there. Monday afternoon. Everyone was working.

Ben was in a robe and socks in the middle of his hallway with his dick half hard out, jerking it lazily as he flopped from room to room. He stopped in the bathroom to brush his teeth. He stared at the little glass bottle on the corner of the counter. Rey’s perfume. She stayed one night and left it there and never took it back. It annoyed him for a second when he decided it was a little trophy. She let him put it in her butt that night.

His half-hard dick slowly saluted as the memory filled his head, her little whimpers, the thousands of goosebumps on her skin, how she trusted him and let him do whatever he wanted. When he asked her to tighten against him and he almost came just from the pressure.

“ _FUCK_ ,” he hissed through his nose. He grabbed her perfume and trudged into his bed where he sprayed her scent on himself. He padded through his phone trying to look for anal porn that suited his needs. After about two minutes of searching and nothing catching his eye, he huffed in frustration. _I just want to come hard, is that too much to ask?_ He searched through his phone for a specific video he had saved. One that did it every time. “I fucking hate porn anyway. Ridiculous fucking films.”

He found it. Rey. It was about a year and a half ago.

She was setting the table at his place. His parents were going to be there in a little while. She dropped by, said she was in the neighborhood, but they both knew better. When she found out his parents were coming over, she eagerly asked if she could help. _If you want_ … he remembered shrugging, but he really needed the help. He turned on the recorder on his phone and tugged at her waistband.

He fast forwarded the part where she said she looked ugly. _Stop recording, I’m ugly today._ He didn’t think so, but he didn’t tell her that. Always bothered him. He jacked his dick when he got her to bend over the table. When she let him pull down her pants and when he fucked her over the table.

“Dirty fucking slut. Wet pussy. Wet for me,” he murmured as he fucked faster into his hand.

Ben had the timing on this video pretty good. He waited to come. He watched as she writhed and bucked into him. And let her sighs and whimpers bloom in his chest. He smirked at how big his dick looked when he stretched her tiny pussy. He gave himself a mental handshake when he watched her come hard on his dick. Then came his favorite part. He pulled out of her.

“Get down there,” he said on the video and she turned to kneel beneath him. “Open your mouth. Say it. Tell me.”

“I’m yours,” she said immediately, “I’m all yours. I’m your fuck doll. I’m your wet pussy. I’m yours…”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!” He grunted in real time and shot his load the same time as he did on the video. But it wasn’t all over her face and she wasn’t smiling beneath him and she wasn’t giggling or swallowing his cum.

And she wasn’t his.

He threw his phone across the room.

“She never fucking was.”

* * *

“I think we should be capable of being at the same bar without creating a scene,” she was leaned against the wall in the hallway between the patio and the bar. The way her face was lit by the dim orange light, how her eyes were round and mouth just a bit parted in a pout. It reminded him of when he would come by her house. She greeted him like he was some kind of battle hero. Back at her home she’d shyly pull herself up and he’d let her jump into his arms.

He would carry her into her bed, and they’d make love.

_No._

_Fuck. We’d fuck._

She was right. She was always fucking right. Always so good, following rules and shit. But his drunk brain was sloshing her words and bringing his pent up anger for her to the forefront.

“Hey I was just going to ignore you, you’re the one that had to pull me into this fucking hallway to talk,” he rolled his eyes at the last word.

She crossed her arms, and her mouth went straight. He glared back at her.

“Fine,” she sighed loudly, “Let’s just ignore each other.”

“You’re great at that anyway,” he said under his breath.

“What?”

“Ignoring,” he said slowly, like she was a tiny child learning how to speak, “Ignoring. Me.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” She made a face that she seemed to immediately regret. Her mocking eyes softened quickly. She brought her voice down to a hush, “You’re the one that never wanted us to be serious.”

“Listen, I gave you as much as I could,” he said quickly and felt the lump in his throat forming. The lump he normally could squeeze away. Not this time though, “You knew from the beginning that I was… I was…”

“EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE. SAY IT,” Rey’s face thrusted into his and he stood straight to avoid touching her.

“I don’t know what the fuck it was. Whatever was happening, if it was love or lust or friendship or just fucking but I gave you more than I ever gave anyone. And you just wanted more and more and you never appreciated what was already there. FUCK I could have had any fucking girl and she would have celebrated what I gave you but you’re so fucking greedy and needy. Just tolerating me until you took everything you could get and fucking left.”

When she left him in that hallway, he wiped the tears from his eyes. 

* * *

“What’s that roast chicken recipe again?”

Rey had been staring at that text on and off for about an hour. It was getting to the point that he might begin to suspect something. She knew that he knew she usually texted right back.

She decided it was ok because she was on a date.

Rey wasn’t lying to Ben when she said she’d met someone. It was a stretch though. She started to do things outside of work with Snap, the guy in IT. It started out as going to lunch together. Then a beer after work. Sometimes he’d invite her to brunch, where she was when she got Ben’s text.

“What’s that roast chicken recipe again?”

_Again._ Like they were in the middle of a conversation or something. Snap was eating his pancakes. His appetite made her smile. A lot of things Snap did made her smile, like how he always said good morning to her and how he noticed when she got her hair cut and how respectful he was.

No, that part didn’t make her smile. They had been sort of dating or whatever it was for a month and he hadn’t even laid a hand on her.

When she got back to her car after brunch (after Snap waved at her for goodbye _ugh_ ) she tapped her phone to send him the link. As soon as she had the car started, he replied.

“Can you just do it for me? This chick’s gonna come over for dinner and you left your perfume here anyway.”

She felt her cheeks heat with anger and muffled a growl in the back of her throat. _Fucking asshole_. She scrunched her nose and started to drive.

When she got home it took only ten swipes and she came harder than she had in weeks.

* * *

Ben wasn’t sure if she was pissed. On the one hand, Rey was coming over. On the other, every reply back to his texts were “OK.”

Ok.

Come by at around 3ish?

Ok.

See you then.

Ok.

He felt his heart beating fast and his lips cresting to a smile when the hour approached. _I’m just ready for a good fuck, he told himself. It’s been awhile. She has a good pussy. That’s all_.

When she walked in, she didn’t look at him and she barely said a hello. She went straight to the kitchen and started to work. He leaned on the counter next to her and nudged a glass of wine her way.

“No thank you,” she said quickly as she toweled off the bird.

“Thanks for doing this,” he said as he took a sip of his own glass.

That’s when she looked at him. He wanted to pretend he didn’t know what her eyes were saying but he did.

“Don’t be so shocked,” he scoffed and started to turn away from her.

“Now that we’re not fucking, you can say thank you to me?” Rey said. Her voice was soft though. Almost pleading. He fisted his hand as though it might hold his heart together.

“You ended this.”

“Ended what though? I thought it didn’t mean anything,” she shot back, voice starting to enter frustration.

Ben looked her up and down, watching her squirm with her dirty chicken hands and cute little overalls. Three buns loosely hung on the back of her head and her freckles were uncovered by makeup. He rolled his tongue on the inside of his lips before speaking.

“Why are you here?”

“To make chicken,” she said and turned to the sink to wash herself.

“Liar.”

“And to see if we could just be friends,” she said to the floor, “I’m moving on. I’m seeing someone…”

“Does that cheese dick know you’re here?”

She leaned on the sink and crossed her arms when she glared at him.

_Why do I like her so much when she’s pissed at me? Why does it turn me on?_

He squinted and took a step towards her, finally allowing himself to feel the comfort that her presence gave him. He lifted a hand to touch her freshly washed hands.

“He doesn’t…”

“Ben,” Rey slid away and went back to the chicken, seasoning it.

He swallowed before saying the next thing.

“Bad girl.”

* * *

_Thank you._

_Thank you._

_Thank you._

It played on loop in her head. He was saying things to her and she could feel him moving closer to her, but it didn’t matter. He said thank you.

Angel on her shoulder said, “Danger.”

Or was that the devil? Rey’s thoughts were too focused on Thank You.

She trembled when he slipped his warm palm under her overalls. She sighed when he ran the back of his finger on her bare arm.

“Stop,” she whined.

“Leave,” he whispered in her ear before brushing his lips against it, sending pulses of familiar warmth through her. “Just leave if you really want me to stop.”

“I can’t… do this…” she gulped when he nuzzled his face in her neck, unable to help herself when she leaned against him. _Danger danger danger._

“It doesn’t mean anything,” he said, “When we did this before, our relationship didn’t mean anything… so when I do it now…”

Rey hiccupped a breath when he slipped both his hands up her shirt and rolled her nipples with his large fingers.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” he said.

Rey nudged her body forward into the counter, trying to gently stop him. “Please don’t.”

He held her waist and pulled her back into him and she whined when he rolled his hips into her, his hard cock jutting into her back. She opened her mouth to tell him she was leaving but then he said:

“Please.”

She froze. How she froze when her legs felt like jello and her pussy throbbed so hard she thought she could see it through her overalls she didn’t know. 

He nipped at her neck, and she felt it in her knees when he ghosted a ragged, hot breath against her skin, rolling into her again.

“Just one last time Rey?” His voice was so quiet, she could barely hear him. Or perhaps, he barely wanted to say it. “Let me make you come one more time?”

She didn’t have time to think about it because then he said:

“I miss you.”

She let him click off her overalls and kick them across the floor. She let him pull off her shirt and panties. And she let him carry her to his bedroom where she watched as he pulled off his own clothes. She let her mouth water when his thick cock bounced out of his underwear and he palmed it, the way she liked.

Rey hiked herself up on her elbows, readying herself to open her mouth to him but he moved to the end of the bed and crawled between her legs. She braced herself for his hot hard tongue, his thumbs that held her clit apart to make her extra sensitive, his nose that he liked to prod into her pussy. But he stopped before crouching down.

“This will probably be the last time I see you,” he said, as he slid his hands up and down her thighs. “I know this wasn’t what you wanted and I know I hurt you. And I’m-“

“Sh,” Rey said quickly. “It didn’t mean anything, OK? None of what we did or what we’re doing right now meant or means anything. Just…”

He said something under his breath. Rey opened her mouth to speak but she was quickly overwhelmed by his tongue on her clit. He squeezed her thighs with his hands and pulled her legs apart. It had been long enough, and he knew her body so well, knew just how to strum her so that she was primed and wanton. She felt herself make a mess with her slick on the bed. She shrieked when he pressed his fingers on top of her mound. Bucking into his face when he sucked her clit between his lips.

“Fuck Ben I’m coming,” she sobbed.

“I know,” he said, his voice dark. She wasn’t used to him speaking without a chuckle behind it. “Do it baby. Let me make you come. One last time.”

“Don’t...say…” she choked on her words when he moved one of his hands up to her tits and smacked her nipple lightly before prodding his fingers into her mouth. She sucked on his fingers, slithering her tongue between them and making him moan. The vibration of his voice was just enough for her to lose it. She spasmed back into him crying, “Ben. Ben! BenBenBen. Please. Please… Please… Don’t stop… I’m so fucking close…”

Her head spun and her body expanded, and she felt like one big red throb when she came. He stayed between her legs. Continuing to suck and lick with his soft lips and hard tongue. Nuzzling his face between her thighs, she sighed as her sight slowly returned, the flat of his tongue tenderly lapping at her folds. He kissed her softly and hummed back into her.

“You’re so cute when you come,” he said and then with a smirk, “Little slut.”

* * *

Ben heard her quietly gasp when he got up from the bed and turn away from her.

“I… you should go,” he said gently.

“But-“

“You’re right about me,” he said, still turned away. “Emotionally unavailable. I don’t want to do this to you anymore.”

He paused, waiting for her to say something or move or do something. When she didn’t, he turned around. Her hand was outstretched to him.

“I want you to do this to me though,” she frowned, and he felt his heart break when her tears fell down her face.

“No, you don’t sweetheart,” he said. “You think I don’t know what I’m doing when I text you in the middle of a date? Or when I tell you to leave after we fuck or when I don’t tell you… that… I…”

“Just come here!” She cried, shaking her hand at him.

He took her small warm hand and she yanked him down. Her body, her smell, her heat overwhelmed him. He kissed her tears and she shuddered against him.

“Don’t cry,” he said, “Please. I can’t take it anymore. I wish… I just want…”

“Shhhh,” she said and opened her mouth on his own. He felt her little warm tongue on his lips, and he parted his mouth and pulled her close to him. Their bare bodies against each other felt like a furnace in a desert of snow.

“What is it?” She asked between kisses. “Say what you want.”

“I want you,” he said and he didn’t know he had tears in his eyes until they began to flow. “But I know I’ve fucked this up so fucking much. I was so afraid that someone gave a shit about me that I didn’t believe it and I pushed you away but… I couldn’t deny… how much… how much I needed you and then you left. You fucking left like everyone leaves and FUCK. I don’t care. I don’t. It didn’t mean anything anyway so. SHIT.”

She didn’t say anything back. It would have frightened him but she kissed his nose and his ears and nipped at his neck. She sat herself up and wrapped her legs around his waist and suctioned her body against his. No air could pass between their bodies. She stroked his hiar, and for the first time in longer than he cared to remember, he felt safe.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” she said, “Not a thing, does it?”

“What?”

He felt her body shake with a little chuckle.

“How…” she paused and took a deep breath, “we… feel? About each other?”

Ben smiled when she felt her slide her small hands up and down his chest.

“You’re right,” he said. He hesitated his next words, just like she did.

“We… love each other. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“Not a thing,” he felt her smile on his shoulder.

He pulled her away to see her face. He needed to know that this was real. And the way she looked at him, the way she stroked his face and the way she sighed, like all the comfort in the world lived in the space between them… it was so real that he felt as though he was dreaming.

He trembled when she wiped his tears.

“I…” he swallowed and pulled away to look at her again. “Rey… I-”

“I know,” she said quickly, “It’s fine. I know.”

He kissed her, inhaling her breath and filling her mouth and devouring every piece of her that he could.

“Let me say it.”

“No-“

“I love you. I love you so goddamn much. No more fucking around Rey. Let me love you. Let me make it work.”

Her eyes were wide, body trembling, the fear so deep he swore he could feel it in her bones.

“Please.”

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> (one single tear)
> 
> If you're into mostly sweet smut, sometimes dark smut, daddy kink, size kink, degradation kink, praise kink, etc. etc. you can get emailed updates when a new fic comes up by hitting the subscribe button [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AteLala/profile).
> 
> Also I have a twitter!
> 
> Lets follow each other and talk about how Ben is still alive.
> 
> Updates, thirst tweets, some silly little porn doodles and just plain dorkiness:  
>    
> [@Ate_Lala_](https://twitter.com/Ate_Lala_)
> 
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